Meat the Niewls

Interlude 1: Into the Wild
Wherein No Death Happened, Whatsoever.

First Night’s Rest: Of Course We’ll Free You… From this Mortal Coil

Forged documents set, slaves in tow, and the crew ready for their daring escape, the group decided to strike while the iron was hot, and leave the city just as the vanguard of the Rebel Army surrounded the city of McCloud. Kye’s expert knowledge of the area guaranteed that the enemy would be least organized at the west gate. Garrett, on the other hand, was able to deduce that the enemy army came from the West, and bickered for a good ten minutes with the smuggler (who obviously wanted to direct the group to better business opportunities), before settling on leaving the Eastern gate.

The forged documents were good enough to get past the cute bat guard at the gate, but choosing this path also put them within 500 meters of a regal looking lion in gilded armor. He was obviously approaching the city to parlay, With his level of fame, the soldier was positively identified as the King’s Brother’s Cousin, a general in the Rebel Army, whose chivalry was only besmirched by occasional questionable menu choices. Garrett approached him as a vanguard and offered the travel papers they’d forged, much to the confusion of the General. Furthermore, his mole adjutant was able to deduce that the paperwork was forged, and became increasingly agitated at the lying behavior of the group.

The General was quite clear, however, that he did not care this crew of meat runners was leaving the city. Supply lines being what they are, and all, he offered safe passage for three stock of his choice, or for the crew to return to the city and open the gates for the opposing army. Seeing opportunity in this, Garrett seemed to agree, but asked for safe passage to the army’s camp, in order to convene, and rest in the relative safety away from the city walls.

The camp itself was lively, jovial, and everyone seemed in high spirits. The army was very visibly also made up, almost entirely, of predators. Within a few minutes of entering, the meat slaves became a bit more nervous, to which a few kind words from Brennus about “freedom from this mortal coil” were enough to put them into a religion-induced calm… of sorts. Shortly after, a broad hyena archer came up to inquire about a slave, having just received his paycheck. For 42 gold, he netted himself a good quality stewing fox, and a night with Briar which will be the subject of much speculation for some time. Garrett made it clear to the meat slaves that Briar was going along to make sure nothing happened… but of course, the group was met with the smell of fresh stew wafting down the wind within an hour.

The General returned and invited the crew into his tent for a final meeting, Briar taking up the rear. He had been visibly shot at with arrows from the city’s walls, his crested shield peppered with them. But, the moment of razor’s edge negotiation must have put the General in a slightly better mood, as the crew decided to talk through, in front of him, the value of their goods. As it was clear that such a loss of stock would put the tiny outfit under quite a bit (and presumably the Rebels wish to foster local allies and enterprises), he offered to purchase the two cheapest slaves he selected, with the most expensive thrown in for free. In the end, he settled for 175 gold to take the Guard Hog, the Raccoon and the Mule off the group’s hands.

Understanding the benefit (in addition to the brazen courage and extensive wounds) of such a mercenary group, he offered the camp as a place to recuperate, the Quartermaster for repairs and supplies, and any other services they could possibly want.

When the General invites you to dinner, you don’t turn him down. That is especially so when he leads you personally to the roasting pit where a hog has been turning for some time. Of course, the sight of a live hog roast was an unsettling moment for Brennus, whose inclusiveness and multi-culturalism knows no bounds. “My people eat nuts and berries!” he exclaimed rather cheerfully, as if the lion would see the error of his ways. This launched into an interesting comment about predatory religion from the lion (That of the Sun and Moon locked in an eternal hunt, to bring life to the world). The crew relaxed at long last, out from the danger of death, and settled in for a nice, relaxing evening, where absolutely nobody was killed or hurt… not a single person… who mattered.

End of First Night’s Rest

Rewards and Loot:
-217 gold in Slave Sales (43 gold ea., two leftover go to Briar for his “performance”)

Current Goods in Cart
-Slaves: Hog, Squirrel, Fox (guard)
-Cooking Utensils enough for a Skill Kit (Kai)
-Captain’s Sword (Quarter Stone Sword) (Briar)
-Plate and Chain Armor (Broken) (Briar?)
-More Financial Ledgers, containing bribes to the guards, who’s “not left” the tavern. (Garion)
-3 Kegs of Beer (Garion)
-10 Bottles of Wine (Garion)
-Sealing Stamp with an ornate “P” on it (Garion)

Chapter 2: Out of the Frying Pan...
The Best Offense is to Know Your Enemy... Something like that...

Part 1: A Left at the Burnt Inn

When we last left our heroes, they had just escaped the execution grounds, and were making their way back to the city of McCloud to confront the two-timing Captain of the Guard, Garreth Peck. After spending some time debating how best to conceal the two unconscious bodies in the back of Cedric’s cart, the crew made their way towards the Green Buck Tavern.

The first step involved getting past the city gates. In this nerve-wracking time, the town guard were suspicious of a large, tarpaulin covered cart moving into the city. Brennus attempted to suggest that it was relief provided by his monastic order for the coming war. The guards became increasingly suspicious until Garion and Garrett were able to talk them into believing that any supplies would be useful during a siege.

Once in town, the crew traveled to the Green Buck Inn, a small hole in the wall on the less attractive side of town. Spotting a locked door into the beer cellar, they bashed their way in after some discussion about whether or not Brennus’s impression of a raving prophet would draw peoples’ attention from the breaking and entering act. Inside, the group managed to smash a cask of ale, and (unrelated to the ale cask smashing) managed to find a detailed ledger the tavern kept on meat-running.

In their excitement, however, they were confronted by a rather confused tiger, who wanted to know why this roughshod group of critters were rampaging about in the basement of his inn. In a fit of passion, Briar began to accuse him of being a purveyor of trafficked meat, to which the tiger simply played dumb and began to ask our heroes to leave. Garion decided to use his “mind-tentacles” to reach into and violate the mind of the poor tiger. Upon gazing into his subconscious, it became apparent that the tiger was hiding something, almost obviously in regards to meat-trafficking. With this revelation, and a forceful prod in the back from Garion, Garrett stepped forward and played off their stumble into the basement as if it were all just a joke that their “good friend Garreth Peck” orchestrated. The innkeep breathed a sigh of relief and changed his tune.

Ushering the whole group up to the bar, he offered them a round of drinks. Already having been poisoned once before, Garrett inspected his whiskey closely… by downing the swill in one shot. Subsequently, he was convinced that the whiskey was poisoned, and began to feel horribly unwell… until Brennus pointed out… it was only rot-gut he was served, nothing more. Garrett began to hyperventilate, quite sure Brennus’s water was also poisoned, as Briar tapped a cask of wine to nurse through the night. Menus were provided, and the innkeeper provided plenty of information, from the going-rate of meat-slaves, to the current political situation, to what it meant if the impending army took McCloud. Most important, our heroes realized that Garreth Peck was on his way, and after a hearty meal (for Garrett and Garion, who ordered the venison, everyone else had porridge off the “vegetarian” menu), they awaited his, and the meat-slave David’s, arrival.

Scene 2: I’ll Have What He’s Having

Garreth Peck and his adorable rabbit entourage made a quiet entrance into the tavern, and it was clear they were regulars here given how hushed the atmosphere in the tavern was upon their entrance. The tavernkeep motioned to the party, but Garreth didn’t get a good enough look at the group to pick out any particular member. The group decided to make some preparations for their heist. Garion took the moment to chat up the bartender, a handsome badger, and get a quick peek into the kitchen, where the chef was already working on preparing David the rabbit for his place at the head of the table. Not only gathering valuable information about the layout of the tavern, he also gathered that there were at least five slaves hidden behind a false wall in the kitchen.

Meanwhile, Garrett managed to get himself into deep trouble. Taking the opportunity to poison one of his arrows, he snuck off to the bathroom and locked the door, only to let his hand slip when a poodle banged impatiently on the door, dosing himself with his most deadly poison. The deer frantically searched for the antidote as his vision blurred and breathing became labored… barely managing to find the bottle, and stuff a dose down his throat, before falling unconscious in the locked bathroom.

After a few minutes’ time, and hearing a strange pounding coming from upstairs, Brennus went to investigate. He found a poodle needing the restroom badly. Getting no response from inside the stall, the goat gave a solid headbutt to the door and found the poor deer slumped over at the foot of the toilet. Some emergency first aid, and Garrett was sputtering back to life, albeit looking far worse for the wear.

The group gathered once again, and was able to formulate a final plan… when Garion got just a little distracted by the attractive badger behind the bar… which meant that creative changes to the plan needed to happen.

Part 3: “Can’t We Just Talk About This?”

Briar set the plan into motion by getting Cedric properly tushed up, carefully brushed, and thoroughly restrained. Bit in mouth, the horse was trotted up to the innkeeper, who purchased him for a paltry 115 gold, after much haggling. This allowed Garrett and Briar a chance to enter the kitchen unmolested, while Brennus kept the entry to the kitchen covered. Inside, they were introduced to the chef, a burly, cycloptic, mute otter named “Quiet Joe,” who wore naught but a leather apron. Garrett managed to quickly talk the chef down into the basement, under the pretenses of finding some fresh tarragon for the terrified rabbit-roast, David. This left Briar alone with the innkeeper and several sharp implements.

Briar asked the innkeeper if he could take a moment to thank poor Cedric for his service, before he took a deep sleep in a very hot place. The innkeeper thought it fishy, but allowed it, and turned his back long enough for Brair to undo the horse’s bonds. The executioner stallion then grabbed a knife off the table, and attempted to gut the tavernkeeper from behind, whilst clasping his mouth shut with a gloved hand. Instead, the tavernkeeper managed to scream out for his brother, Garreth, before taking a deep wound to the side of his stomach. In the basement, Garrett quickly bribed the chef his pick of the meat-slave litter if he wouldn’t interfere. Thinking better than to stop an orchestrated heist, the chef set his knife away and instead asked if he could hitch-hike awhile with the crew before parting ways. Garrett agreed, and raced back up into the kitchen to help Briar.

Out on the tavern floor, everyone could hear the mistake Briar made. A loud scream, followed by “Garreth!” came from the kitchen, and the guard captain was nearly there to make an entrance, when he was met by a stocky goat with a ream of pamphlets. Brennus calmly began to proselytize about the sin and debauchery in this horrid place, and how it needed to be cleansed with prayer. Garreth became increasingly more perturbed at the monk’s antics, until he attempted to push his way past. The goat shouted out that a man of the cloth was being defiled, but the call fell upon deaf ears, and in a last minute fit of effort, Garreth muscled his body weight and tipped Brennus onto his back, before pushing on into the kitchen The sight he came across was not one for the feint of heart.

Down in the kitchen, Briar made short work of the tavernkeeper, cleaving his head nigh in half, gashing his shoulder open, and nearly repainting the walls a brilliant red. While he put up a good fight with a kitchen knife and carving fork, he was not nearly the threat that Garreth was, who stumbled into the room to see his brother turned into a new tiger-skin rug upon the floor. Whilst this was happening, Garrett managed to get David un-gagged, so he could explain how to open the false wall, and tasked the un-bound Cedric to do so. As the tiger burst into the room, the deer readied his bow and took a pot shot at the clear target, just before Briar rushed past to liberally apply his axe to the guard captain’s face.

Brennus, standing once again, drew his weapon, and readied to wade into combat when the captain wheeled ‘round and slashed a gaping wound across his chest. The goat was taken unaware, and suddenly found the rush of pain to be too much, feinting at the foot of the stairs. Panicking, whilst searching the innkeeper’s corpse, Garrett yelled out for Cedric to back up Briar; their combined slashing and shin-kicking enough to distract the captain from making any further attacks on Brennus. Garrett managed to grab the key to the cages, and began unleashing naked meat-slaves two at a time from the rear of the kitchen, ordering them to go into the basement and wait.

By this point, Kai, who had been wandering the streets to survey the area, came back around, just in time to join the fray, racking a bolt into his pistol crossbow and narrowly missing the Captain. Garion arrived shortly afterwards from his moment of debauched glee, in time to see Brair cut down the guard captain, and finish him with a flourish fit for a corrupt guardsman.

By now, the tavern had emptied out, its patrons had finished their meals to dispose of the evidence, but nobody seemed particularly eager to call the guards in, given the illegal nature of the bar. This allowed the party time to re-group, form a few plans, and figure their way out from here. Between Kai and Garion, they were able to draw up some quick, but convincing, work papers and orders for the slaves, who were set to the task of loading the tavern’s casks of wine and ale into the cart. It would seem only the Civil War brewing outside the gates, and the town guard, would stand in the way of freedom and profit.

Exuent Tavern, End Chapter 2

Rewards and Loot:
-Slaves: Mule, Hog, Squirrel, Raccoon, Fox, David (Rabbit)
-115 gold in the Tavernkeeper’s coin purse (23 gold ea.)
-Cooking Utensils enough for a Skill Kit (Kai)
-Captain’s Sword (Quarter Stone Sword) (Briar)
-Plate and Chain Armor (Broken) (Briar?)
-More Financial Ledgers, containing bribes to the guards, who’s “not left” the tavern. (Garion)
-3 Kegs of Beer (Garion)
-10 Bottles of Wine (Garion)
-Sealing Stamp with an ornate “P” on it (Garion)

Experience: 20 Points total, blocks of 5, 4, 3, 2 & 1

Forged In Blood

Four intrepid wanderers, ner’do-wells and heroes, were caught up in a dragnet to capture Meat-slave traffickers and dispose of them as per the laws of the Kingdom of Niewl, and the county hold of McCloud. This includes:

Garion: The rotund bear mage with a penchant for coercive (and lecherous) magicks.
Kye: The twitchy-quick monkey of ill repute, known for his trafficking of ill-gotten goods.
Brennus: The goat monk whose heart of gold (failing that, his trusty staff) is ready to lend a kind “encouragement”
Garrett: The dear roustabout, whose poisoning skills and quick tongue never fail to… cause chaos.

They were nearly at their end. The headsman,

Briar: The carnivorous horse with a keen axe and a reputation to uphold,

was about to help Garion remove some excess and unneeded weight off his shoulders, when everything turned to panic. The guards began to flee in all directions, Garion flared his own ropes clean off his wrists, Garrett broke himself free of his cage in time to help Brennus untie himself. Kye was able to calmly step free from his cage once the ensuing carnage began. Briar took one cursory look over the walls to see what was coming, and knew whatever was coming… it wasn’t pretty.

As the small band of extremely lucky prisoners readied to make their break, Briar offered to join them, knowing there would be hell to pay for botching an execution that poorly, and led the group through the nearby Taxidermy shed, into a guarded courtyard. In it, a chubby fox, a boney wolf and a well built Hog archer were guarding the exit from the execution grounds. Brennus kindly asked the guards to step aside, inciting them to step forward to try and clear the group out of the courtyard.

Garion cast a sleep spell upon the advance guards, causing the pudgy fox to fall into such a deep fit, he couldn’t even be roused by the sound of the fighting. The crew maneuvered into position, while Garrett kept hidden in the shed and spiked his next arrow with Star Seed Oil. Garion, obviously deciding he should act the part of an accused meat-smuggler, began a full-tilt rush towards the hog. Kye drew his pistol-crossbow and fired at the bowman hog from a distance, sticking him in the shoulder with the bolt, before taking cover behind the door of the shed. Briar hefted his axe and cleaved the wolf’s head nearly clean from his neck (“the gentle caress of the axe blade upon the wolf’s supple spinal cord”), while dodging his simultaneous attack, before finishing him off with the flourish of a showman. Garrett managed to sprint around the sleeping fox, draw his bow and stick the hog with a poisoned arrow, but the poison didn’t take affect until after the guard retaliated with a single shot. The deer dodged the hog’s arrow, but his prodigious mage friend was grazed by the scattered arrow. At the last moment, the hog dropped to the floor, bloodied, and wholly unconscious.

Upon tying the unconscious guards up, and loading them into the back of Garion’s horse cart, drawn by his faithful companion Cedric the Stallion, Garrett laid out to the group a desire to rescue a wrongly accused rabbit he previously met. Promising ample bunny-butt proved ineffective (as there was lots of fox and hog to be had), but between providing the group with the promise of more meat slaves to “rescue” and the morally just desire to expose the town guard captain as a corrupt official and murderer, he was able to make them come around. Garrett was absolutely sure that the Captain of the Guard was in the guard’s barracks (obviously), but upon further help from Garion’s mind-taking abilities, he was able to deduce that the guard was likely at The Green Buck Inn. Taking advantage of the ensuing chaos, Garrett proudly proclaimed that it would be prudent for us to make our way their, while the town guard was kept busy.

Exuent Execution Grounds, End Chapter 1

Rewards and Loot:
-Slaves: Hog, Fox
-Pocket Change and Basic Weapons of indiscriminate type.

Experience Gained: 9 Points Total, blocks of 4, 3 & 2

Welcome to your Adventure Log!
A blog for your campaign

Every campaign gets an Adventure Log, a blog for your adventures!

While the wiki is great for organizing your campaign world, it’s not the best way to chronicle your adventures. For that purpose, you need a blog!

The Adventure Log will allow you to chronologically order the happenings of your campaign. It serves as the record of what has passed. After each gaming session, come to the Adventure Log and write up what happened. In time, it will grow into a great story!

Best of all, each Adventure Log post is also a wiki page! You can link back and forth with your wiki, characters, and so forth as you wish.

One final tip: Before you jump in and try to write up the entire history for your campaign, take a deep breath. Rather than spending days writing and getting exhausted, I would suggest writing a quick “Story So Far” with only a summary. Then, get back to gaming! Grow your Adventure Log over time, rather than all at once.


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